A Great Many Names-Book I

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A Great Many Names-Book I

Post by pROvAK on Fri 17 Feb 2012, 1:07 pm

A Great Many Names -Book I
By Raksada Jo’Baal


Sharvyne, a Dunmer member of House Indoril, had recently claimed the rights of Ordinator. After his rank was administered, he was immediately sent to The City of Vivec. The Dunmer was stationed in the Hlaalu quarter of the great city, far from his home of Mournhold. He walked in a loop around the great canton and his thoughts roamed about his ultimate dream, to travel to Cyrodiil and see the world. But here he was, "uselessly wandering" the least most interesting place he could think of. His strides were slow and heavy and he was sweating due to the armour that encased him. Sharvyne leaned on the ledge of the great building and removed his mask. Dalam better get here soon, he thought. He stared at the gold elf looking thing and set it next to him as he stared into the river, aimlessly lost in dreams of action, thievery, and things that required skill - things that gave a rush. A light tap on the back snapped him out of his daydream. "Ah yes, Sharvyne, doing a fine job again I see. Would you mind explaining what exactly you are doing?" Sharvyne re-attached his mask appropriately, pulled out a paper, and turned to the next Ordinator. "Just thinking, Dalam. Now, good friend, could you direct me to the city of Balmora? According to this note, my contact is waiting for me in the 'The Lucky Lockup' tavern, and I am not familiar with the land of Vvardenfell. Dalam reached into his satchel and removed a small map, cluttered with deadric notes and writings. Dalam gave Sharvyne the map. "Take this, my friend. Make haste, for the house does not appreciate lates." Sharvyne nodded and took the map. He then set his course northwest, towards Balmora.

A day later, Sharvyne arrived in Balmora bruised and weak for the night has surely taken it's toll on the Dunmer. Heading under some arches towards the Cornerclub, Sharvyne stopped in at a small trader. A khajiit by the name of Ra'Virr greeted him. "Ah, yes , always lovely to have visitors" The khajiit hissed. "I don't usually get many customers these days though...ever since that new tradehouse went up, over on the other side of the town." Sharvyne looked over the shelves and crates, looking for a healing potion, or a spell that could aid him. The khajiit stepped towards the Ordinator. "Mind if I ask what you are looking for? I sell the finest deadric weapons in all of Tamriel." Sharvyne scanned the shelves. "What deadric weapons? These are all basic iron and steel." The khajiit looked at the floor. "Alright, they are not Deadric. But they are nearly as good! "Ra' Virr gave the Dunmer a large grin. Sharvyne couldn't leave without buying a sword. He picked up the iron shortsword and set it on the counter. "That'll be 20 gold - no, 10 for such a nice fellow.." Sharvyne thanked Ra' Virr and exited with his weapon. Still injured, he headed over to the Lucky Lockup. Before he entered, he heard the long, sad sigh of the Siltstrider.

He entered the Lockup, and examined the room for his mysterious "Contact" as described in the note he was given in Mournhold. A man leaning over a mug was sitting at a table. As Sharvyne stepped closer, he could tell that he was a Dunmer. The Dark Elf sat down next to the man, and said, "Do you know me?" The man looked up at the Ordinator. He poured himself another mug of mead, and replied, "Yes. And I assume you know who I am, correct?" Sharvyne nodded. "Well," the man started, " Your task in Vivec was merely a time consumption for me to arrive. And now that we are both here, I have a much greater task for you, If you are willing to accept it." Sharvyne glanced over at an argonian who appeared to have been listening. Quietly, he asked the contact to go on. "We have a source that comes through most cities and towns of Vvardenfell as a...watchman. His last travel came through here, Balmora." Sharvyne nodded. "But," the man said, "This time, he actually found something worth the gargantuan pay we give him. The bastard demands more gold every route. This time as he was pretending to associate with a member of House Hlaalu, he overheard a small conversation from around a corner. And sure enough, two Hlaalu members were quietly discussing something they did not want to be heard. So this "Source" followed these men by rooftop. Eventually, they slipped into a tradehouse, Ra'Virr's, or something along the lines of that." Sharvyne gave a small smile, as he had just met the khajiit trader. "After they exited the tradehouse, my man was waiting for them around a corner. This is where things get interesting."

Sharvyne looked to his left and noticed the Argonian, who quickly pulled his head away. "Keep going," Sharvyne asked."He managed to overhear talks of Hlaalu and the Cammona Tong, a notorious crime group, who is known for Skooma trades, murder, and various other illegal dealings. My man reported to me that House Hlaalu may be secretly funding the Cammona Tong's weapons, and also was sending them to "take some men out" if you understand." Sharvyne nodded again. "So, he managed to stay in range of voice, all while writing this down. He then heared them say that Hlaalu was giving the Cammona Tong information regarding us, things like how many men we have, or our names, our families." The contact sighed. "We think they are planning a war, a war of guilds, much bigger than that of the Theives Guild and Cammona Tong. Hlaalu is paying and giving supplies to the Cammona Tong, so they do not have to get their hands dirty. "Sharvyne sat back, and glanced back over at the bartender and Argonian, who were now minding their own buisness. "So now what?" Sharvyne questioned. "You are going to declare if this is true."

The Ordinator looked up, then back at the contact. "And just how am I going to accomplish that? I'm just an Ordinator." The man smiled. "You are not 'just' an Ordinator, you are THE Ordinator. "Sharvyne looked puzzeled. "You see, there is a reason we chose you to be the one to meet me. There is a reason you are an Ordinator. Your reflexes are faster than most, you are stronger than most, and you have never been defeated, even in training. You must have Azura watching over you, which would clarify the seemingly impossible escapes and combat teqniques. Sharvyne looked at his hands, which still had heavy armoured guantlets covering them. "Just Tell what is needed to be done" he calmly said. The man replied "You must disguise yourself as, first, one of the members of the Cammona Tong, and then, one of the Hlaalu. You must rise to a high ranking member in both of these, to assure the correct information, and trust from the other members. "The Dunmer looked at his contact, who said, "Can you accomplish this?" after a moment, the Ordinator smiled, and replied "Yes. I'll do it. But..." The man smiled and slapped him on the back. "Your pay will be great, I assure you. Now, you know your task, If things get rough, get out of there as quick as possible. If the situation becomes dire, you are authorized to use force to escape and be recovered safely." Sharvyne nodded and stood up. "I'd best be on my way then." The Argonian turned towards him and stuck his hand out. "Hello" He rasped. "My name is Chuna. I overheard your discussion over there, and I just wanted to say, the Hlaalu has a man too. And I know where he is. He is located in Peligiad right now. He is at the Halfway tavern, and will be there for only three more days." Sharvyne shook his hand and thanked the Argonian, but then added, "Why did you tell me this?" The Argonian shifted. "You seem like you are on the side of the good people. Anyone in or with the Cammona Tong should be stopped." Sharvyne left the bar, and set out for the small town of Pelagiad.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
End of Book 1


Last edited by pROvAK on Sat 18 Feb 2012, 9:41 am; edited 5 times in total

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A Great Many Names-Book I

Post by pROvAK on Fri 17 Feb 2012, 1:12 pm

Ha, I did this all in one morning, about 2 hours.(One hour of Thinking) This was really fun to write, and the second book will be even better, because it has all of the action and stealth and stuff. I will get on with the second part in about a day or two. Cool

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Re: A Great Many Names-Book I

Post by The Khan on Fri 17 Feb 2012, 9:06 pm

Awesome!! Can't wait for the next book. Maybe it's a trap. Smile But besides it being good I couldn't help but notice the errors.
In the first paragraph:
"removed his mask.Dalam" needs a space.
"the' The Lucky Lockup' tavern" space is in the wrong place.
"Vvardenfell."Dalam reached" needs a space.
"and writings.Dalam handed" needs a space.
"the map."Take this" needs a space.

That's all I think for the first paragraph. You obviously rushed a little but no fear. They're just very small errors. You can go through the rest. They're not hard to see.

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A Great Many Names

Post by pROvAK on Sat 18 Feb 2012, 9:42 am

Just finished fixing it up. Should have a lot less errors now.

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Re: A Great Many Names-Book I

Post by The Khan on Sat 18 Feb 2012, 6:23 pm

Read it again. I still found some but not as much as before.
First paragraph:
It's spelled thievery, not 'thevery'
It's familiar, not 'familer'
It's immediately, not 'immediatly'
Deadric needs a Capitol
"his mask appropriatly,pulled out a paper" needs a space and it's spelled appropriately or maybe it's just different because of the countries like armour and armor.

Second paragraph: A lot of the time you used '...' where you should've used ','
"the night has surely taken it's toll" you don't needs that apostrophe in its.
"Ah, yes , always lovely to have visitors" the space after the "yes" shouldn't be there.
"khajiit" should have a capitol. It's like saying american instead of Am.erican.
"I don't usually get many customers these days though..ever since" tree dots
"a spell that could aid him. the khajiit stepped towards the Ordinator." Capitol 'T' in the.

I could just edit it for you. The second one as well


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Re: A Great Many Names-Book I

Post by pROvAK on Sun 26 Feb 2012, 12:47 pm

You can fix it up if you want, but we are going to eventually get around to that all at one time. We will read over TONS of books, fix up the errors, re-post them, and report the errors. But yes, you can fix it up if you so please. Twisted Evil

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Re: A Great Many Names-Book I

Post by Ryu Hayabusa on Mon 05 Mar 2012, 2:04 am

I revised the first half. I have little patience so I didn't get to the second half. A lot of your commas before the word "and" are unneeded. Some extra punctuation is needed in some areas. Can't wait for book three.

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